I want to share this with you from this past Tuesday. I think it's very important and I really try to make people aware of how low self esteem can have a devastating effect on one's self and life.
My friend Joe started a thread the other day with this question:
"Low self esteem. What can we do to overcome it?"
My response was:
"Find your voice."
A few responses down Joe asked this:
"Valerie, could you please elaborate?"
So, I did:
"Okay, here's my perspective: I suffered greatly from a lack of self esteem growing up. I was never good enough. I was never perfect. On the outside I looked like the typical teen from a loving home who was a cheerleader, president of the art club, in student council, and on and on, but I lived in a situation that was very unstable and mentally abusive (alcoholism was the culprit). [Please note, I do not blame. I am just stating facts. I have forgiven and accepted what happened. I was meant to go through it.]
It took me a long time to learn to listen to my own voice. My inner voice. The one that loved me for me. That knew what I could do and how far I could push myself to achieve my dreams and accept when I did the best I could to be content with the result. The one that knew I was wonderful.
Now, I can't say I love the way I look, but I am working on that and going toward my goal a little at a time which is to be healthy more than how I look. I like what I have changed so far and I'm gonna keep going.
Plus, there's more to a person than looks, etc. and how the world sees me. So I started looking within. I started learning that who I am and what I am and the grave mistakes I made are what make me me. I realized that all the incredible amount of CRAP I went through growing up was what I needed to make my life what I needed it to be. I started viewing it as a gift, not a burden. I stopped listening to what others though I should be. I started nurturing what I needed to become and be for me. I started loving myself for what I was. I believe there is always room for improvement and a little constructive criticism is not a bad thing. But once you find your voice and actually listen to it then you "get it". And my motto now is "Strive for excellence. Not perfection." ...so there you go, you asked for it! :)"
Joe's reply was:
"Awesome, Valerie. Not much else I can say."
Here's some more of my thoughts on this because awareness will help someone out there struggling.
Low self esteem compounds into depression. A very close family member and I have both struggle with it. I went through that for about 8 years of my life. We both made horrible and grave choices because of low self esteem and depression. But, we found our voice. We over came that hurt and guilt and life that we didn't want. We walked toward what we were meant to be in life. We now work together to keep our thoughts from entering into that dark abyss we were once in. We support each other and those around us that need to be lifted up. We offer hope, understanding, hugs, a shoulder to cry upon, and an ear to listen always.
I blocked a lot for a long time. That was self preservation for me at the time. I just couldn't go back to the pain. But slowly the images and memories came flooding back even if I didn't want them to. I would call my family member to ask them if they remembered something that happened and they would confirm. So, I didn't make it up. It did happen. I think for a long time I wanted to think it didn't happen to us, but it did. Once I started to deal with it and put it in perspective I remembered everything. I wept, I got mad, I sought help.
I still struggle and I probably always will, but I didn't jump out of that car going down the interstate when I started too because someone was there to stop me. They told me, "It's not worth it." My family member's life didn't end either when they wanted it too because they reached out to a friend just in time.
Now, that situation I grew up with. I look at it as a blessing. And believe me, it is. It took me many, many years to really get a grip on that. But for you to understand it you would have to live it. Here's one small view into it...one day I was told I was the perfect child (when the alcoholism was there) and the next I couldn't do anything right (when one was more sober). This happened to my family member as well. I didn't want my life to be lived in that manner with such instability. So I chose not to. I chose to take my life in my hands and make it want I wanted. I can't say it's perfect, I can't say it's always great, but it's mine and I do love it. I can't say it's easy either because life isn't easy. But life is worth living and I learned that lesson the hard way.
Everyone has struggles. Remember that. Some are greater, some are less than what you know. Reach out to them.
Love and understanding: Listening to a friend...just listening can help. Take the time to listen carefully and not judge others. Judging isn't the goal, but listening is because you give someone their voice. Sometimes people just need to say what is on their mind in order to get through something. To get it out, to let it be in the open for the world to see and know. Even if they tell just one person. You have given them power.
If anyone ever needs to talk please let me know. I am always here for you. Love yourself and who you are. You are beautiful because you were made that way. You just need to see it. Be honest and fair to yourself and make sure you know that there is always a way to find a path that can lead you out of depression or an addiction or pain of loss, etc. There are professionals that can guide you, support groups, communities, churches, etc. Please reach out and ask for help if you need it. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of you taking power of your life.
For those who know my family and know what we went through don't feel bad for us. For those who didn't know my situation. Don't worry, it was the perfect disguise to those who didn't see the reality of it. And to some degree it still is to this day.
You are never alone. If you take anything away from this understand that and that someone is waiting for you to let you believe in yourself. Love never ends. You can find your voice.
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