Sunday, October 14, 2012

Why I Don't Race

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A few years ago I started riding a bike again. No big deal except I hadn't ridden since 1992. I know because I use to ride to the park where my university was with a bunch of friends. 1992 was it! It wasn't a race. It was just for fun.


So when I started biking again I was trying to lose some weight and would post times and distance. I guess to prove I was getting better because when I started I was SLOW! For a while I toyed with the idea of racing. In fact, I was asked if I was going to do exactly that. Once I really thought about it I honestly didn't want to. I didn't want to take the pure joy I have simply riding my bike away from me. I wanted to feel the wind through my hair (now with a helmet) and against my skin enjoying the moment of it all. Some things about riding a bike brings back those memories of freedom as a child and that makes me smile. 


I didn't want to buy "the gear", "invest in a bike", "join a club", "sign up" for a 30 mile bike trek. It just didn't make sense to me because I didn't want to do that at all at the time. Maybe I will race someday and find a way to put that happiness into racing, but until then I am going to focus on build my muscles, gaining my strength back and losing the weight. The thing is for now I need to keep enjoying biking as I know it. Just like that happiness I had as a kid riding down Sunset Drive in Belleville, Illnois.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Teaching Maggie to Tat





In this short video above I am introducing my daughter to the movements of tatting. I think it's important to feel the movements and how relaxed one is when tatting. We are making double stitches which involves tatting two parts of the double stitch.






In the video above I am tatting a ring. You wont be able to see the actual tatting very well, but it shows you how I work & the motions. I describe it as I go.

It's been fun playing with video a bit. I may just do more and find a friend with a camera that could really zoom in and see the delicate lace I make. 



Friday, August 24, 2012

The Middle Bits - Studio Days to begin in September!

"Yes, you try strive for the final thing being good, but you're also very well aware of how beautiful the process is. People in a gallery or in the public they're missing 2/3s of what's special about what
that object was and how it got made."

Chris Palmer-material artist
From the documentary "Between the Folds"


The middles bits...that's what most people really do miss out on when creating a piece of art. As I was watching this amazing documentary, the words that material artists Chris Palmer said above just hit me. I talk often about process and loving the middle of the process of creating and I was thinking it's time to share that part with people who want to be a part of it.

I am going to be hosting "Studio Days" beginning in September where I open up my studio once a month for others to come visit, bring their own creations to work on if they like, and experience this wonderful part of being an artist.

Often I get the question, "How much time did that take?!" I do know how much time I take on projects because I track them with a program called Weave for my iPhone. But honestly sometimes people amaze me with their responses. Some are good, some are a little interesting, but most of the time if someone really asks me about this they are very appreciative of the time it takes.

So, the middle bits...I'm in love with this part. I lose myself in the repetition of what I do. I weave, knit and tat lace. And with every one of those I have a pattern I am following. Usually I have it in my head and when I move material between my fingers and hands I am my most happiest. Then the piece becomes an extension of me. I feel alive and I feel good. I love what I do and I think it shows.

I hope you will come create with me. I will post time and day very soon on this blog, twitter and facebook. I look forward to sharing the middle bits with all of you!



Monday, July 9, 2012

Three Years and So Much More...

Me and my Grandpa Johnson
Three years ago today my grandpa passed away. What I didn't know at the time is what an impact on my life this event would have. I adored and respected my grandpa very much. He was always there for me no matter what came along. He took time out of his day to talk to me or if I was there he would just bring me along to work with him. As a kid I would get to go visit in the summer and winter for a week or two and those were some of the most special times in my life spent with him and my grandma hands down.

My grandpa was a strong man in character plus a kind man with a huge heart. He would help anyone if he could and never expect anything in return. He worked hard and played harder. He had struggles just like we all do, but at the end of the day he was someone I really looked up to.

I remember riding in his dump truck and getting rock candy at the quarry. I remember helping him at his bait shop he owned for a while and going and restocking the fish. We went fishing about a zillion times catching crappie or catfish, running trot lines, etc. and always had fun. He taught me to shoot a shot gun and rifle. We played the heck out of crazy eights and one summer I swear we played Chinese checkers every waking moment. I would sit with him and listen to his stories from childhood growing up with his siblings and cousins on Bear Creek while we sat in his old bus he had that was converted into a camper with the Coleman lantern going. I listened to stories from the war he was in and was fascinated every single time I heard him tell them. Friends would drop by and bring stories to share. We'd drink coffee and enjoy life because that's just how it was. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows  over a fire and you would have thought we had died and gone to heaven. Life with him and my grandma was always the best.

I always believed my grandpa when he said I was beautiful because I knew he meant it. He was truly interested in my life, my children, my education, and even my choices. He would listen and that is where I miss him most probably...just talking and listening and cracking jokes.

So three years when he passed away something just changed in me. I didn't realize how much he was my rock in my life, my foundation that held a lot of my anxieties together. And I wept for him greatly for the first few months after his death. But in that time I realized a lot of what I was doing I didn't really like. I didn't want to do the things that did not fulfil me any longer. So I decided to start doing more of what I needed for me. I needed to take care of myself better. I needed sleep. I needed to exercise and eat correctly. Then I realized more of what I wanted. I wanted to change my career and become the woman I wanted to be. So then I could be a good example for my children to look up to just like my grandpa was for me. I started taking small steps toward all this. It was pivotal to say the least.

I've come a long way in these past three years, gotten past some huge issues, and settled some too. I've stopped doing the things that I didn't want to do any longer.  I've sought professional help to get me past some of my anxieties so I wont keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. I'm still seeking help at this stage, but the progress has been good. I've begun to deal with hurt and trauma that happened to me and find a way to put it in a place that is good and not negative. I'm learning and growing and dealing with those things that have held me up for eons. It's all good and I've set some new goals from my dreams. Life is getting a little easier for me. I think grandpa would be proud.

I can still hear his voice & laughter in my head and as long as I can hear that I know I will be okay. He would say things like, "Can you laugh for grandpa?" How could I forget that happiness I felt every time he asked that? Everything is good. I know he is looking over me and watching me through my struggles and happiness. Sometimes I even can feel his presence. Silly maybe, but there are just times where I feel like he's right there beside me and it's comforting to me regardless if it's real or not.

Grandpa went out each night at the end of the day to look at the moon and stars, say his prayers and then to bed. I often do the same thing and as I see that moon and stars each night I know everything will be okay and that my decisions are right for me. I know life will be so much more fulfilling if I keep going forward and following my dreams as I build my foundation to stand on yet again with my grandpa looking over me giving me strength.

Friday, June 29, 2012

The Crown



So, yes, I made that. It is a hand-tatted lace crown with Schwartz chrystals. It was a huge project for me that actually made it into my very own accessory show. And in keeping up with my procrastinating tradition I finished it 6 hours before show time! Wawhooooo! Ha ha! 


Okay, but hey it was the first time I did a tatting project that was in the round. It was also one in which I had beads on the shuttle and on the ball. That means I was dealing with learning as I went along tatting. I began it on I think a Monday, maybe Tuesday and finished up on a Friday. A lot of people asked me how long it took. My estimate is 40 hours, but I will go a little faster the more I make. I worked 12 hours one day I know and most days I worked 8 hours. Overall, I made a lot of mistakes, but I learned so very much that it was completely worth it!


One thing I want to really share with you is the way tatting is like weaving and knitting for me. I tend to get lost in the pattern and repitition of it all. I enjoy the process of creating. Not necessaily the beginning or the finishing of it, but the middle bits. The part where you are comfortable enough to know the pattern without looking to the book and the movements just naturally flow. Like it's a part of you and you are making this unique piece of art come to life. That's my favorite part. And I do believe it is what keeps me coming back. 


I will share photos of the crown on my princess in the accessory show when the photographer gets a chance to edit the hundreds of shots he made in two days. 


In the meantime, I am working on another design for a crown I have thought of adapted from this one. Enjoy the rest of the photos! 

























She's Long Gone...

I recently made a huge transistion in my life. One that I wasn't even sure I knew how to do, but I just said, "It's time".

I left behind the girl I no longer want to be to become the woman I want to be. The last couple decades I have struggled with what is expected of me compared to what I wanted to do. I think this is a debate a lot of people go through, but who actually follows through? I know some do, but some don't like change, transitions, etc. Whatever you like to call it.

Change is so difficult...especially the ones you can't control. This change with me is very controlled. I decided to step out of the life I didn't like. I have been a graphic designer for 20 years and I just decided I was done. Like I said it had been coming, but I actually did it. I spoke the words and I did it. I told my clients I was finished and I then resigned from a contracting job which I had slowly started pulling away from. I don't feel bad either. Not one ounce of guilt. I know that right there means the world to me not to feel guilt and it's the right move for me.

Now, onto my new adventure. I want to have a shop, earn a living running it and to keep making/selling my art. It's scary you know to think I will have employees, own MORE money for a while, but then again I will have the flexibility I really need to keep myself around my kids and in there life. I need that. I think they will need it even if they don't want me there...but hey, sticking with my kids is a given. I chose that and I love them dearly. Plus there is a heck of a learning curve opening a business and I am using every possible contact and resource out there to get this done correctly and not just jump into without considering all possibilities. I'll make mistakes, but if I can get past the first, second, then third years...I will be really happy. Lots of planning to be done by me very, very soon!

So basically instead of my finding a job to fit into I am creating a job to fit all I love into it. Who needs that 8-5 life with only 2 weeks of vacation and no flexibility basically? I may need it if this adventure falls short of my expectations, but I will do my best to live my dream and create and connect with people in the community. I think it's worth a try.

And so that girl I knew is long gone...she's long gone... And that's one of my favorite songs by The Black Keys!




Wednesday, April 11, 2012

And the tradition continues...

When I was a little girl I was always included in the activities my grandparents and family were doing. Like cooking, gardening, creating and so as a child I was exposed rather early to things grown up people do. I remember standing at the kitchen sink at my great grandparents kitchen looking out on the farm through the window while rinsing dishes in a tub. I was about 4 then. I also remember making Parker House rolls with my great grandmother and turning some of the dough into cinnamon rolls. And so this is how we learn isn't it?

When I was very young, before I was five, I painted with oil paints with my grandma. And then over time I picked up a needle and thread and started sewing with my grandma and great grandma. I went from embroidery to sewing sundresses and on to quilting. Learning to do these things with my family has been a tradition as long as anyone can remember. Just like boys learn to drive a nail, sew a button on, farm the land. They do it beside their fathers and mothers. And I learned just like the boys too with things like: Chop & haul wood, fish, hammer things, carpentry, metal work, feeding the cattle, etc. It was just a part of our lives. And I think back on it fondly.

Now, I am seeing my children taken under my family's wings and starting to learn the same way I did. There is no hesitation. Just jump right in, make mistakes, learn from the mistakes and over time perfect what you are doing. What could be better?

Recently my family was able to get together to celebrate the birth of our newest family member. And in the small amount of time we were together...look what happened...


This is my daughter with my grandmother, her great grandmother learning to piece a quilt. Now I look at that and see what a wonderful bond those two got to form that day. A little lesson introduced and knowledge had between two family members. What could be better? Nothing in my opinion is better.

I have very fond memories of just these types of things I got to do with my family. I was very lucky to know all my grandparents and three great-grandparents, two of them lived long lives up to when I was married and had kids even. I have memories of riding the tractor with my dad's father. Fishing and shooting a rifle with my mom's dad. Gardening, cooking, sewing with all my grandmothers and great-grandmas. And now many of them are gone, but I still remember those treasured moments I had with them. Working and learning right beside them, but it wasn't work at all. It was fun. And that is how these traditions come full circle. Maybe someday I'll teach my grandchild or even great grandchild some art. It's something to look forward to.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Trust Yourself & Happy 3rd Birthday Fibers Studio!

Off and on for a couple years with Fibers Studio I have been posting two words for Tuesday as a kind of inspiration or happy thought for myself. Today my two words for Tuesday were: Trust Yourself.

Sometimes that is really hard to do though. Some of us question what we need, should be doing, want, don't want, etc. To the point where we freeze in our steps. Or even ignore our most basic needs.  Just get through our days and hope for the best.

Do you know what you want in your life? Do you know what you want to do? Do you know what you want to be? I've been thinking about this a lot lately because at one point I had reached all my goals and then I was like...well, now what!? I was a bit confused and honestly rather lost. I had not thought what I wanted after all those goals were met.

So I took time to think and plan out my next chapters. And one of them was starting my own business. Then I got to dream a bit more. Which is one of my favorite things to do! Dreaming for me means planning. So I dreamed up Fibers Studio. I didn't want to limit myself to just one art/craft because I love many different things. That's how the name came to be. Fibers...all things created with fibers. This can include wool, cotton, yarn, cloth, plant fibers, woods, paper... you get the idea.

So I am going forward with the next two years in my five year plan for Fibers Studio. I just celebrated year 3 on April 1, 2012. Yes, April Fool's Day. I posted items for sale on that day three years ago. I didn't it on purpose also. Why not? Just a fun fact. Now I have the big plans to get through. Funding, expanding, possibly having a business space for people to come into and many, many other things I am trying to work out. Be patient...it will come I keep telling myself. And it is. Just taking time. And thank goodness my youngest child is entering full day school this year. I really think that will help me to have more than 2 hours to devote to this fun job I've created!

Trust in you to know what you need for you, what you desire & the life you want to lead. No one else knows. I learned to trust myself and honestly there's no turning back. I love my life and the choices I've made for me.

Friday, March 9, 2012

One Day at a Time... Working out of a Rut!

I've been in a funky rut. Yep, a rut. Something overwhelmed me and I just couldn't focus on my art! Not good for me and I felt a little lost for a bit. But honestly, every day isn't always the best is it? There are those ups and downs in life. I just didn't expect my rut to hit so hard!

I'm happy to say I have new energy and I am loving it! I've started tatting again and really thinking about what I want to do. What can I leave behind in my life? Why do I tend to repeat self-defeating patterns and how to solve that? I mean...really!? So, I turned to some help to get me focused and really pin point what I could do so I don't fall into this again. I have a long road, but step by step I'm getting there.  That reminds me of Eddie Rabbit's song, "Step by Step". Hmmm, now I am showing my age! haha

Hand-tatted heart with red glass seed beads necklace

But good things are on the horizon. I am tackling how to go about tatting bridal crowns, some with crystals and some without. Then I was thinking about small crowns for babies...like ones that photographers could use in photo shoots. Who doesn't have a baby girl who thinks she's as sweet as a princess? Really!?

Also, over the holidays I was commissioned to create a custom pair of panties for a gift. I incorporated hand-tatted lace into the design. And honestly, I think they are super cute! Some of my friends were like...will you make more? How much are they? Then I started making more lace for more pantie designs and I am starting to work through those now. It's just going to take time to get through my ideas and make it into a process I can work with!

Prototype X Lace Panties with Hand-Tatted Lace insert


I'm also preparing for festivals and art expos on the horizon. Which means my production of products are getting to be in full swing. I am happy to have so much variety in what I do - weaving, tatting, knitting. Creating things with fabric, paper and thread. It's really limitless and honestly I am my own boss and I like the idea that I can change gears and do something different.

Enjoy the leaping forward this weekend! Longer days equals more time to create! Right?


Close-up of my tag, a new line of intimate and bridal apparel - embrace.

Close-up of the hand-tatted lace insert

Packaged up for the customer, ready to send!

Design presented to the customer for the concept for the custom panties.
                               

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year, Plans and Excitement!!

Hello! Happy New Year to All! 

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
OH I'M FEELING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

2011 was a fabulous year for Fibers Studio! Record sales along with record custom orders made it a great year for me!

I am so excited about 2012. I have been working through some ideas for new products and working on improving my old products. And determining which things I really will or wont make along the way. It's a learning process and I love it. Plus, I have developed a working production schedule that I hopefully will be a good step for me to keep my products in supply and so forth. Having a working schedule will also keep me moving forward with ideas and not just doing them when I want. Artists work, but they need the discipline of work also to make their work successful!

But really, what I want to say is I am trying to do more of what I LOVE. Leaving behind those things that drive me nuts and I don't enjoy. So with my new ideas and new production schedule I am hoping to achieve this.

Part of my new schedule is also posting more often so you know what I am doing! One other way to follow me is on facebook. I usually post more pictures of current products there also.

Like Nina Simone sings, "And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me..." Be BOLD! Do what you love and happiest wishes to you and yours in 2012!