This is a break from my regular postings. Something from my perspective and something dear to me...
It was something I had gone over and over in my mind for many years. How do I tell my child about the Autism Spectrum Disorders he has? How do I make sure it is a positive experience? How do I not scare him, make him feel less than what he is, how do I spin this?
I have thought of this since he was a baby. When he was about 18 months old his father and I read about Asperger's Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder. We knew we were onto something when we read the article in Wired Magazine. It added up even at a young age.
My son met all the milestones on time, he potty trained in a reasonable amount of time and he could dress himself, etc. He had a very hard time speaking. He had a hard time with fine motor skills, loud sounds, gross motor skills. He was very, very routine dependent. He couldn't vary even his feeding schedule without a major meltdown. When he could sit up and manipulate items he would put one item, one at a time, behind him until they were all gone. Then he would turn around and do it all again and again and again and again.
He was such a sweet child until you have to make him do something. Then he would pout, he use to snarl at his teachers, mumble, etc. He would react strongly. Not so much anymore.
We have had him evaluated, diagnosed, and in therapies since he was three. He finally spoke his first sentence at the age of three with the help of speech therapy. I'll tell you something too, speech therapist are people I have a ton of respect for. How they get these kids to do what they can't is amazing to me. I have watched/observed sessions for 7 years now. I am always awed.
Occupational therapist are another miracle on this Earth. My son has been in this also since he was 3 and just graduated from this in September right when he hit 10. I have seen over the years things happen and progress that I never in my life thought would happen. Now, my son does not have major problems, just lack of coordination, vestibular issues, fine motor skills that were very poor. Not major, but enough to be a problem. His running was not good, his climbing was not good, his writing was not good, his coordination was not there. Now, he is capable of anything, but not really willing to do it. Just doesn't come naturally like it does for my other children who are completely capable and climb everything they can.
So recently there have been some problems with anxiety and maybe even low grade depression, lack of self-esteem, etc. I have a feeling there has been some bullying along the way. Which breaks my heart. So my husband and I have sought out some extra help for our son. And in the process of this I knew it was time to let him know.
I asked him if he ever wondered why he went to see the people he does. He wasn't sure. He had always done it. He's been told before to make him stronger, smarter, better. That is true. But the real why of it just wasn't there. And I know my child. I know when he wonders what the word diagnosis means. What is Asperger's? What is a spectrum disorder? What is autism? I know he has thought of it and even asked before to some degree. I have also always told him if he wanted to know anything to just ask.
So two weeks ago I sat with him and I told him that everyone needs help for something. That everyone, even his dad and I, have had help. That what makes him him is what makes him so wonderful. That his way of looking at the world is unique and beautiful. I told him he has Asperger's Syndrome. That it is an autism spectrum disorder. I spoke to him about sensory integration dysfunction and how sound bothers him sometimes. Nothing in depth, but just basic terms and explanations. More can follow later when he is ready. He understood it all. In fact, I think he was a little relieved. Sometimes knowing something about yourself helps you go forward in life. Kind of like that light bulb moment that we have from time to time. Answers can lead to progress in this case, a positive experience.
I believe everything I told him. I do believe he is unique and beautiful. That he will not fail because he has the tools that will help him throughout life. That is okay to ask for help because everyone needs it from time to time.
I also think autism is a gift. Not just for my son, but for me. Before my child came into my life I know I was made the way I am, perceptive as hell, because it would help me be the mom I wanted to become. Autism has taught me huge amounts of patience, that I can't fix everything, that I can ask for help, that my child is not a problem, but a solution. I feel that he will grow and become an adult who will follow his dreams because he will not look at these things as problems, but he will use his gift as the solution. I truly believe this. I always have. I always will.
I am glad I told him. I am happy for the one-on-one experiences I still get with him. My child is amazing and has an amazing mind. Sometimes when I sit with him he talks to me about his dreams and ideas and it just blows me away. Just like any child can blow away their parents. I am grateful to have him in my life because he makes me feel important, makes me feel whole and I know I am loved. He tells me of the places he will go and what he wants to learn. And you know what? I am gonna back him all the way. Because I have always believed in him and his abilities even when he would tell me he couldn't do something. I could see how hard he was struggling. I always told him to keep trying no matter what. To keep trying and never give up. Just like my parents told me. And you know what else? He's accomplished much these past seven years and becoming such a fine young man. He will continue to accomplish so much more and completely blow me away. I couldn't be more proud of him.
